Lethal Lemon Bars: MURDER IN THE MIX 9 Read online

  Carlotta leans in. “Your mama is tired of that man dragging her down. She wants to be treated like a queen, not a captive.”

  Mom gasps and gags. “That’s not correct. He does treat me like a queen.” Her lips do a strange little waggle like she might be sick. “I don’t know. I just—I thought he’d make me happy.”

  “Yes!” I cry out with all the joy my heart can muster, and the masses at the table turn to look my way.

  “Well timed!” Keelie calls out. “Judge Ridgeway was just about to pull out his gavel.”

  “Gross.” I look to my mother. “You have got to dump him. You cannot entertain being his fiancée for one more second.”

  “No, no,” Carlotta is quick to refute my sound logic. Figures. “A man like Rich needs to feel in control.”

  Chrissy nods. “She’s right. He needs to be the one to initiate the breakup or it won’t end well. At first, I thought of employing that strategy with Harry, but I was too tired of his running around to trick him into believing our impending divorce was his idea.”

  “Technically, it was—he cheated,” Mom points out.

  Everyone knows what a serial philanderer Mayor Nash was.

  “I have a solution”—Carlotta scoots in close to my mother—“I’ll steal Rich from you, and that way you won’t have to break up with him for no reason.”

  Dear God up in heaven. I scowl over at my older look-alike. “What about Brad Rutherford?”

  “What about him?” Carlotta appears affronted that I even brought him up. “I’ve already stolen him from your mother. All the fun is done in that dirty department.” Dirty is right. Brad Rutherford had a penchant for walking on the wild side. We’re talking the inexplicably kinky wild side. I was thrilled when my mother left that dumpster fire behind. And, apparently, Carlotta has decided to do the same. She taps my mother on the arm. “What do you say, Miranda? Are you up for tossing me another beau?”

  Mom chews on the inside of her cheek as she considers this. “Fine. But he can never know that I’m in on it or he’ll wring both our necks.”

  It would be an amusing euphemism if it weren’t so frighteningly accurate.

  The naughty book club adjourns, and bodies begin milling around the bakery. I’m about to help clear the tables when a tall, handsome detective comes in and sheds a dimpled grin my way. But before I can grin right back, both Brit and Cormack descend on him like bees to delicious Honey Hollow honey.

  I head over anyway. I’d hate to deny Noah a proper harem.

  “Lottie.” He nods my way first, so I can find a mild sense of satisfaction with that. “I came by to conduct official business.”

  Cormack quickly digs through her purse and shoves something in his face. “That’s right. You did, and it has to do with me.”

  Noah takes the note and unfurls it, and both Britney and I lean in to see what it says.

  The words you’re next are scrawled out, messy and large.

  Brit chokes on a laugh. “You don’t expect him to believe someone actually gave you that, do you?” Brit’s only visible eye comes shy of winking. “It looks as if you’re being threatened by a third grader.”

  Cormack latches onto Noah’s arm. “A third-grade psychopath.”

  Noah shakes his head. “I’ll have to take this in and have it examined. Where did you find it?”

  “This morning when I put my phone in my purse. And I’m terrified, Noah! I’m just terrified!”

  Britney edges in, shoulders back as if she were gunning for a fight. “You’ll step away from my husband if you know what’s good for you. Look at Lonely? I only had to tell her once before she went off and got herself a fancy legal eagle boyfriend much like the one we just read about. If I were you, I’d hightail it to the nearest courthouse now that you’ve been apprised of all the closed chamber benefits.” She flicks Noah’s mint green tie. “I’ll see you at Dr. Ludlow’s office Wednesday at seven. It’s a date, sweetheart.” She pecks a kiss to his cheek as she heads out the door.

  Cormack doesn’t waste a moment. “We have to go to dinner tonight to discuss this.” She rattles the note in his face once again.

  Noah casts those evergreen eyes my way. “What do you think, Lottie? You want to come to dinner and discuss the case?”

  Cormack does a little hop, her features doing little to hide her excitement. “A double date! You’ll bring Essex, of course. Oh, and before I forget, I’m having a do-over for my sister—a masquerade party at the art center down the street in three weeks. I’ll need you to cater. We’ll discuss the deets some other time. I have a date to get ready for!” She scoops up her sister, and they’re out the door.

  I lift my chin, incensed by the fact I have to endure another double date with my boyfriend while another woman paws all over him. No matter how hard I try, Noah still very much feels like my plus one—and strangely enough, so does Everett.

  “Have her bring Landon,” I say.

  “I’ll try. And Lottie? You were right. Vanessa St. James didn’t die by cross-contamination. She was murdered. The coroner found over a half a teaspoon of peanut butter in her system, and not one of the lemon bars we took in as samples contained a stitch of it.”

  “Just the one she ate?”

  “Just the one she ate.”

  I’m usually thrilled to be right, but this time it doesn’t feel so great.

  Someone wanted Nessa St. James dead, and they very much succeeded in their mission.

  It almost makes me wonder if I’ll be dining with the killer tonight.

  Chapter 5

  Traditionally, Noah and I would have gone to Mangia for a quick bite, but Noah’s new girlfriend—and yes, I’m referencing Cormack as such, insisted we head to Chops Steakhouse that sits at the edge of Honey Lake.

  Everett used his winning dark charm and landed us a table with a view of the water. The sun has just set, and there’s an orange glow over all Honey Hollow.

  Chops is brimming with customers, but you wouldn’t know it. It’s pitch-black in here. Cormack may have referenced this as a double date, but not long after we arrived so did a couple of ghostly guests, Max Finmore and Greer Giles. Anyone up for a supernatural triple date? Because that’s exactly what this is shaping up to be.

  I reach over and pick up Everett’s hand. Everett looks impeccable tonight—dark suit, dark slicked back hair, and dark brooding expression on his face that’s already driven half the waitresses wild. I swear at least six of them have come by to see if he needed anything. I’m guessing Everett gets service with a smile wherever he goes.

  Max and Greer glide down next to me, their legs sinking three feet into the floor as if they were sitting with us.

  “What did we miss?” Greer looks revitalized, her cheeks look flushed, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think she and Max just hit the ghostly sheets. Poor Winslow, I pray that’s not the case.

  “Everyone is having steak for dinner except me,” I randomly announce as the waitress sets down our meals. In actuality, I was just filling Greer in on the info she wanted.

  Cormack balks my way. “What kind of a thing is that to say? Is that a dig at my meal? Are you implying I eat like a man? I’ll have you know I’m doing keto. Do you think it was easy being in that bakery of yours this afternoon? Or yesterday—surrounded by my favorite dessert? Thank goodness I had the big boss there to calm my frayed nerves before and after that great tragedy.” She clasps her hand to Noah’s before turning to Everett. “Did you know that I was threatened by the killer?”

  Everett offers a guilty glance my way before turning to Cormack. “Noah sent me a text. I had him shoot me a picture of it as well. I’m very sorry about that, and I’m also very concerned.”

  My stomach clenches at the thought of Noah and Everett teaming up to play superhero for their shared first love. I realize how petty that sounds, but I’ll admit, I’m guilty of letting my emotions get the better of me sometimes.

  I would be terrified if it was me who received that note.
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  Everett must sense my demoralizing jaunt into insecurity because he gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “But I’m confident in the Ashford Sheriff’s Department to handle the situation.”

  Cormack agrees, “Specifically Detective Noah Fox.” Her vocal cords partake in the dance of the dolphin once again. “It’s as if I’ve gotten my very own bodyguard with you around. That’s exactly why we’re a perfect fit. I knew the minute the stars aligned and brought you back into my life, we were meant to be together forever and ever. In fact, while we were standing in that conservatory yesterday, with all of our friends present and accounted for, I pretended those lemon bars were meant for us, that it was our wedding reception. And it will be soon enough. We’ll have to have lemon bars at our wedding reception, boss.” She offers a pretentious smile my way. How I loathe when she calls him any variation of the aforementioned nickname. It’s ridiculous. Noah doesn’t want to be her anything, let alone in charge of her madness. If anything, Noah wants to fire her from all of his social circles. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

  “Lonnie”—she continues to freely butcher my name—“you’ll cater, of course, as I’m sure you will your own wedding. Speaking of which, when are the two of you tying the knot?” She winks at Everett. “Come on, Essex. Everyone can see that she’s the one just by the way you look at her.”

  Everett rubs his thumb lovingly over my hand, but before he can pipe up, Noah beats him to the punch.

  “Everett doesn’t believe in marriage, do you? He’s not getting married,” Noah gloats as if that were his ace in the hole. Little does he realize that after being cheated on and lied to for the last three out of three relationships, I seriously doubt holy matrimony is in the cards for me either.

  Everett takes a breath as if trying to control his budding rage. “I believe in it. In fact, I’m looking forward to the day I watch my beautiful bride walk down the aisle.” He gently bows down and kisses the back of my hand, and my heart all but does a backflip. Essex Everett Baxter is going to make one heck of a husband someday. And to think that I might be the lucky bride-to-be. Honestly, it’s too much to wrap my head around. As in I literally can’t.

  Noah leans back, glaring at his former stepbrother as if he were just bested.

  Greer lets out a whoop and high-fives Max. “Lottie, you’ve got those boys wrapped around your little finger. It’s every girl’s dream to have World War III break out over them.”

  Everett’s chest rumbles with a silent laugh because he just so happened to have heard that war-torn remark.

  He tips his head my way. “You’re worth the war, but I’ve already got the victory.”

  “Geez.” Noah doesn’t hide his disdain. “Lottie, he’s pulling your leg. You’re no sooner going to get a proposal out of him than you are an I love you. Has he said it yet? Has he?”

  My mouth opens as I look into Everett’s blue eyes, and I’m pretty sure I see a storm front brewing in them.

  “Listen, Noah”—Everett’s tone is just as serious and intimidating as I’m sure it is in the courtroom—“I will say the right words to Lemon at the right time. We don’t need you trying to commandeer our relationship, trying to squeeze it into some mold that you think it should be.”

  “You’re wrong.” Noah takes a quick sip of his water. “I don’t think you should have a relationship at all. Lottie is a good, decent girl. And you’re— well, nothing short of a playboy who’s far more interested in the chase and the end game than he is in the important things that happen in between.”

  “Are you insinuating I’m not a good person?” Everett looks amused. The tips of his lips twitch in that vexingly delicious way they tend to do just before he’s about to indulge me with a fiery kiss. But I don’t think he’s about to indulge Noah with anything of the kind. “Despite what you think, I’m a decent guy. Lemon and I share a lot of similar values. We believe in treating others with decency and respect. And we happen to attend church together on Sundays.”

  “Church?” Noah lifts a brow as if Everett just let a four-letter word fly.

  “That’s right.” Everett manufactures a smile just for Noah. “In fact, often times, we drive out together and head for lunch right after. Chinese food.” He looks my way. “Noah here is a CEO. Christmas, Easter Only.”

  Cormack brays like a donkey. “He’s got you there, boss man.” She titters away as if it were the funniest thing in the world, as do Greer and Max.

  Greer leans over. “I think you should haul poor Noah out back and put him down with his own weapon. It’d be a heck of a lot less painful for the guy.”

  Everett squeezes my hand. “I agree.”

  “You agree with yourself?” Noah is suddenly amused by this. “Lottie, the man has a stone-cold heart.”

  Cormack’s shoulders shimmy as she expels one drawn out ooh.

  Noah clearly underestimates the power of a bad boy—and everyone knows a bad boy on the right side of the legal tracks is nothing short of seduction gold.

  Noah takes in a slow lungful of air. “Lottie, once he’s broken your heart, and he will, just know that my door is always open to you.”

  “Yes”—Cormack latches hungrily onto Noah’s arm—“our door is always open. Feel free to stop by anytime, and we’ll brew you a fresh cup of coffee. You’ll have to bring your own scones, though.” She reprises the dolphin cackle. “I know when I can beat the competition, and when I’m good and bested—and honey, you’d best me in the kitchen each and every time.”

  Greer lets out a breathy harrumph. “She knows you’ve bested her in the bedroom, too, but she’ll never admit it.”

  Everett’s chest bounces again with that silent chuckle.

  Noah leans in, venom in his eyes. “How many kids do you want, Everett?”

  Everett grunts, “None with you, sweetie.”

  “Ah-ha!” Noah slaps the table rather aggressively. “Think about that, Lottie. He has no intention of having kids with you.”

  Everett sighs as if he were bored of Noah’s lambasting routine. “That, too, is incorrect. I think Lemon and I would have beautiful children together.” He rattles my hand as he turns my way. “I’m thinking four or five. Is that too many?”

  Both Greer and Cormack swoon at the very same time.

  “Everett, really?” A spark of excitement ignites in me as both my ovaries explode in his honor. “Four or five is exactly what I was thinking.”

  Cormack moans through a bite full of steak. “You’ll have to get started right away. The clock’s a’tickin’.” She butts her shoulder into Noah’s. “We girls don’t stay fertile forever, you know.” She gives a little wink. “Kidding! As soon as we’re ready, I’ll have my eggs plucked and frozen. We’ll have a surrogate, of course. I’d hate to stretch out body parts that both you and I haven’t fully enjoyed yet. Hey?” She perks up as she shifts her attention to me. “Since you’re so gung-ho on getting knocked up, why don’t you host the baby for us? I bet it would pop out just as sweet as those cutie pies you specialize in.”

  My jaw unhinges. That’s just what I’ve always wanted, carrying the child of the love of my life—for him and his airhead future bride. Not that Noah is ever really going to leash himself to this box of rocks for a brain. And not that Noah is the love of my life either. It’s hard to peg him as such since he lacerated my heart so completely.

  “She’s teasing, Lottie,” Noah assures me with a curt nod before glaring at his steak as if it were entirely that bovine’s fault that every conversation we’ve started tonight has drifted magnificently sideways.

  I clear my throat. “So why isn’t Landon here?”

  Cormack chuckles. “Why in the world would I bring Landon on our double date?”

  I scowl at Noah for a moment for participating on this double date to begin with. We’ve yet to prick the topic of murder—although, interestingly enough, I’m suddenly craving a homicide—Cormack’s to be exact.

  Everett takes a breath as he looks her way. “How is yo
ur sister doing?”

  “Terrible.” She shrugs as she dabs her lips with her napkin. “She went to Pilates, of course, and had the full treatment at the spa. The Evergreen Manor is really the place to be, but it’s too late. I’ve already paid up for the rest of the year for the both of us at the B&B.”

  “The rest of the year? It’s just now May.” My poor mother. Scratch that. Poor me.

  Greer groans like only an apparition can, and it echoes through my bones, and apparently Everett’s, too, because he shudders as her octave increases. Greer has really upped her haunting game in the last few months.

  Cormack nods. “Oh yes, it can take years for me to find proper housing.” She leans against Noah, practically melting over his shoulder. “Or garner the proper proposal. In case you’re wondering, I prefer a princess cut diamond—flawless, no less than five carats, but seven would be ideal, platinum band, size seven.” She gives his cheek a pinch. “I’ve left no room for error!”

  My eyes can’t roll enough over that one. Leave it to Cormack Featherhead to give Noah a gemstone shopping list that will send him to the depths of some Canadian diamond mine.

  “So who does Landon think planted the peanut butter?” I don’t mind changing the subject at all.

  “You.” Cormack tosses her hands up apologetically. “It’s fine, Lonna. We all know mistakes can happen. I’m sure it’s not the first mistake you’ve ever made and far from the last.” She bites into a slice of toasted sourdough, and I don’t bother explaining the finer points of that fancy fat-based diet she’s on. I couldn’t care less if Cormack waddles out of here.

  Max gurgles out a laugh. “Cormack was my first mistake.”

  Everett looks that way as if he could see him. “Mine, too.”

  I’m betting she was Noah’s first as well, but I’m not going there.

  Noah takes a breath as if it were all he could do to hold it together. “Cormack, what was your sister’s relationship with Nessa like?”

  “They were good friends. They shared things with each other. They had their ups and downs, but who doesn’t?”