Lethal Lemon Bars: MURDER IN THE MIX 9 Read online

  Everett grunts, “I can get you a stun gun and some mace.” He shakes his head as if it still wasn’t good enough.

  “Great. Now that we’ve squared away my safety, can I please get home?”

  Noah unlocks the door and holds it open for me.

  “Thank you,” I say rather curtly as I step on out, and I can’t help but note the air smells a little bit sweeter on the other side of those bars.

  Noah walks us out to the parking lot. “Give me the keys to your car, and I’ll go pick it up for you. I’m assuming it’s still in Fallbrook.”

  “Are you sure? What about your car? We’ll give you a ride.” I offer up Everett’s services without asking first and feel terrible about it. I’ve already put everyone out enough.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Noah politely refuses. “I’ll hitch a ride with a unit in that direction. And I can arrange to have one pick me up in the morning and bring me back to the precinct. It’s not a big deal.” He flicks his hand my way until I fill it with my keys.

  “Thank you.” The words come out threadbare. “I really appreciate this.”

  “I don’t mind.” He looks from Everett to me. “It’s not like I have anything better to do tonight.”

  Everett lifts a brow. “No counseling with the wife?”

  “Nope. All done for the day. In fact, three more weeks until I make the judge happy and I’m back on my way to finalizing the documents.” He takes off with a spring in his step, tossing my keys and catching them.

  Everett wraps an arm around me as we watch him head back into the precinct.

  My body molds to his as I bat my lashes up at the good judge. “Would you believe I was about to ditch Keelie and head straight for your chambers for that hot date of ours?”

  “No.” He smacks his lips because he happens to be right, and he knows he is. He bows down and presses a kiss over the top of my head. “My bathtub or yours?”

  I opt for his. It’s bigger.

  Everett and I indulge in a long, hot, steamy bout of ecstasy.

  The bath isn’t so bad either.

  Chapter 13

  A Friday night in Honey Hollow for most folks usually consists of dinner out, maybe a movie, or maybe a wholesome stroll around Honey Lake. A Friday night in Leeds usually consists of secret societies, mob dealings, and strip clubs. Tonight, we happen to be at an establishment that incorporates a little bit of all three of Leeds’ deadliest sins, the Leeds Can-Can Room.

  Despite its rather generic moniker, it’s actually pretty ritzy inside—that is, if you’re into hot pink and black satin décor. The Can-Can Room is a rather large restaurant with a stage built in at the front. It’s dimly lit inside with a flickering candle dotting each table, and the entire place holds the scent of pizza, which doesn’t surprise me since the dish sits prominently at the top of the menu.

  The four of us have just ordered our dinners, and the show has yet to begin. And by the four of us, I mean Everett and me and Noah and Cormack. Yes, he had the nerve to bring her along as his official plus one. Last night he happened to drop my car off in my driveway just as I was traipsing home, clad in Everett’s bathrobe, my hair sopping wet. Suffice it to say, he wasn’t thrilled when he put the coital pieces together.

  This is either his version of revenge or he simply can’t shake Cormack. Personally, I strongly think it’s the latter.

  “And look at this one.” She shows off her newest death threat on her phone. She hands a picture of it off to her new boyfriend. “It says steer clear or else.”

  “Steer clear of what?” I don’t even pretend to look horrified.

  Her blonde hair is slicked back into a sleek bun, and she’s wearing a sheer blue gown that makes her look like a knockout despite the fact she’s horrendously overdressed.

  Her eyes grow in size. “Of…I don’t know—a handbag sale? Your bakery? The killer?”

  I avert my gaze at the thought. “Okay, so here’s the deal. I don’t believe you. I don’t believe a single threat you’ve received. I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I have to go with my gut on this one.”

  Both Noah and Everett offer me pensive stares.

  Cormack coughs and sputters. “What do you mean you don’t believe me? You actually think I’m sending these threats to myself?”

  “Yes. Yes, I do.”

  Her mouth falls open, and I reach over and pluck the cherry from her fruity cocktail and drop it right into that wide maw of hers.

  Cormack pretends to choke in an effort to snag Noah’s attention just as Maximillian Finmore glides on over. He’s tall, conventionally handsome, and has that supernatural glow about him—and oddly, he’s grinning from ear to ear.

  “It’s about time you showed up!” I hiss as I pick up Everett’s hand so he can listen in on the otherworldly conversation.

  “I’m sorry.” Max wisely floats between Everett and me so it will look as if we’re talking to each other. “I guess you can say I’ve been delightfully detained.” His brows waggle suggestively, and both Everett and I exchange a look.

  Everett’s lips curve at the thought. “It’s nice to know the loving keeps on keeping on.”

  “What’s that?” Cormack practically pulls me back so she can get a better look at the two of us. “Did you just tell Lot-Lot you love her? My God, are we witnessing history in the making?” She seems both generally amused and happy for us.

  “Actually—” I’m at a loss for words at the moment. If it were true, she would be right, but it’s not the case at all.

  Noah shakes his head, dismayed. “No, Mack, we’re not. Everett wasn’t saying I love you because the only woman he’s told those words to are his mother.” Noah cinches his gaze over mine. “Has he told you he loves you yet since the last time we broached the topic?”

  A moment of silence bounces by.

  Noah nods. “I know. And I wouldn’t expect it anytime soon either.”

  Max lets out a chuckle while he slaps Everett over the shoulder. “The dude is going for the jugular, man. Go ahead and tell her you love her and knock it out.”

  “I’m not knocking it out.” Everett turns to glare at Noah. “When I tell Lemon I love her, you won’t be anywhere near the room.”

  Noah shakes his head at me. “He’ll tell you he loves you as soon as he can bring himself to utter your real name. But we both know that’s not happening either. You see, Lottie, Everett plays by his own rules. It’s Judge Baxter’s world. The rest of us are just living in it.”

  Everett’s lids lower as he leans in close to me. “In my world, you take center stage.”

  “Don’t I know it,” I growl right back without meaning to. But it’s true. When Everett and I are together, I mean, really together—let’s just say he generously caters to the flesh in remarkable superhuman ways. And when I say the flesh, I mean mine.

  Max points to the stage as the lights dim further and the spotlights twirl and swirl as they go insane. “I know why we’re here,” he whispers. “Doreen Stearns. Let’s just say she’s hot both in and out of the—”

  His last words are drowned out by a riotous drumroll.

  The show starts up with a lone singer introduced as Dynamite who comes out wearing a long, rather demure hot pink gown. I can tell that’s going to be the color of the hour. She’s warming the crowd up with a cover of a popular jazz song, and while she does so, dinner is served. As soon as she’s done, the first set of strippers—or I guess as they’re referred to in these parts, can-can girls, stroll out in short black dresses with bright pink tutus layered heavily underneath and begin hopping and skipping their way into a kick line.

  Max taps me on the shoulder. “That’s her—the short brunette, second on the end to your left. We had some wild nights. And, believe you me, Nessa didn’t like it. That’s actually what started their feud.”

  My mouth falls open as I look to Everett.

  He ticks his head toward Max. “Keep going.”

  Max watches the stage as if he were transfixed as th
e girls hike their skirts to their chins. They each have on a pair of pink frilly boy shorts underneath—which is far more compared to the dental floss they get away with at Red Satin. This is practically a nunnery in comparison.

  “They’re all so beautiful. I really miss this.” Max sighs as if he wanted every can-can loving moment on Earth restored to him. “Don’t get me wrong. Paradise is better, but there’s something to be said about how raw everything is down here. Mankind has so many fatal flaws, and instead of realizing them and fixing them, we tend to celebrate them. And sometimes we celebrate them in the most beautiful ways.” I think he just moaned. Clearly, he’s not in the right headspace to be witnessing such a spectacle. I’m betting there aren’t many Can-Can Rooms in the sky, and this frat boy just wants to drool over a pretty girl in her underwear. Speaking of which.

  “Where’s Greer?”

  “Trying to calm Winslow down. He’s had about enough of your mother’s boyfriend’s behavior. He’s trying to haunt him out on his rear.”

  “I had no idea he was living at the B&B!” Personally, I’m appalled by this demented development.

  Max blows out an exasperated breath as if he, too, were appalled. “He’s not an invited guest. But he doesn’t want to leave your mother’s side because he’s convinced another man is trying to steal her away. He insists on sleeping in the den downstairs, but your mother doesn’t like it one bit. She’s threatened Winslow and Greer. If they don’t scare him away by the end of the month, they’ll get their walking papers.”

  I can just see my mother shouting at the walls, barking out orders to the other side.

  Honestly? Did I expect anything less?

  Max lets out a haunting laugh. “Here they come.”

  “Here who comes?” I turn to find an entire brigade of burlesque dancers exiting the stage and shaking their can-cans at unsuspecting men in the audience.

  The short brunette heads our way with a devilish gleam in her eyes. And it’s Doreen! I feel as if we’ve hit the can-can lottery. She looks from Noah to Everett, and that wicked grin glides right off her face as if she’s suddenly perplexed by her totally hot choices and doesn’t know which to choose—so, of course, wisely, she takes them both.

  I can’t blame her. It’s a darned hard decision choosing between those two. Thankfully for me, Brit and that rock on her left hand made the decision pretty easy for me.

  Doreen takes on both men herself as she hauls them back with her. A stagehand comes out and lands a couple of chairs close to the front of the stage while Doreen forces Noah and Everett to take a seat. The girls all file back, and soon enough Noah and Everett get a close-up of every fanny and bustling front side as each and every can-can dancer takes a turn at pressing their goods into the boys’ faces.

  Lovely. It’s not every day you get to see the men you love getting a lap dance in front of you.

  Wait a minute. Did I just say love? I mean, I know that I love Noah—but it’s residual from before and I can’t quite seem to shut that show down.

  But Everett, too?

  My heart warms just thinking about it. Noah was right. Everett hasn’t said he loves me, but for the record I haven’t said it to him either.

  Oh my goodness. I swoon as I look to the handsome judge with a pair of knockers the size of watermelons wobbling in his face.

  I love Essex Everett Baxter. A stream of giggles escapes me. I’m in love—really genuinely in love.

  I swoon and cringe throughout the entire performance, and soon enough both men make their way back to their seats—Noah rather sheepishly and Everett with the beginnings of a wicked grin as if he’s learned a new party trick he can hardly wait to share with me.

  We finish up dinner, and the show comes to a rather flashy conclusion—as in, they donned the dental floss for the big reveal in the literal end.

  So not necessary. But the room breaks out into a riotous applause, and I begrudgingly join along.

  The lights go up, and the dancers come out for a final bow.

  I lean over to Everett. “We have to speak with her, but how?”

  Cormack hops up, still clapping away like a trained seal before she bolts to Doreen and offers her a death grip of a hug.

  Everett helps me up. “I think we just solved how.”

  I smack Noah on the arm. “That’s her. That’s Doreen Stearns, Viv’s cousin!”

  The three of us make a beeline over, and the petite brunette widens that hot pink grin.

  “Cormack Featherby!” She shakes her head wistfully. “You were the initial reason I went to that table. You always did surround yourself with the most handsome men on the planet.” She gives Noah’s cheek a pinch. “Which one of you lucky fellas warms the queen bee’s hive at night?”

  A strangled silence ensues, otherwise known as the truth. I spot Max fondling a couple of girls to my left and take a quick breath.

  “Will you excuse me?” I head over to the perverted poltergeist. “Are you insane? Get over there before I get on the redline to the other side and have you vacuumed right back to paradise where you belong!”

  A blonde with a pair of heavily drawn in crimson lips gasps. “I think she just threatened me.”

  “Sorry!” I quickly tiptoe my way back, but Max beats me there by a ghostly mile and I’m glad about it, too.

  Noah gives me that look that lets me know he just witnessed my madness once again. At this point, I’m fine with it. So far, he hasn’t called the men with the net, so I’ve got to be home free at this point.

  I covertly pick up Everett’s hand in the event Max has anything of value to add.

  Doreen leans in toward Everett. “And after Nessa’s dad left my father penniless, I never wanted anything to do with the wicked witch again. Can you blame me? My dad died of a heart attack a month later. The stress of it all outright killed him. My mother had to get a job as a secretary in an insurance agency. We had to sell our home because the mortgage was too high. Between what she still owed her old creditors and her new debts—she hardly makes enough to pay the rental she has now. The only reason I’m working at this place is to help my kid brother get through college. None of this would have happened if Nessa weren’t such a spoiled little brat. I know you’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but if it weren’t for her arranging for my father to get canned, our lives would be a lot more different today. One of us would still have a life.”

  Everett leans my way. “Her father worked for Nessa’s.”

  She nods, affirming this. “Nessa caught me making out with one of her flings. Max Finmore. Boy, was he a hottie.”

  Max beats his chest like an ape. “That’s me, the hottie.”

  Doreen shrugs. “He’s gone now, though. They both are. Him, I’ll cry a river for, and I have. Her, I’ll toast the universe for doing what’s right for a change. You know, I thought Max and I might actually get married someday.” She sighs as she gets a faraway dreamy look in her eyes. “His death wasn’t an accident, you know.” She looks to my right at seemingly dead air, but it’s indeed the dead—Max, whom she so seems to crave. “Nessa screwed with the hitch on that dump truck he rented. I don’t think she saw it ending quite that way, but she did it. She killed Maximillian Finmore. She was a murderer long before she was ever murdered.” She shivers as if a chill just ran through her.

  I look to Max, and he looks paler than usual.

  “Nessa killed me? She was responsible for the hitch sticking.” He closes his eyes a moment and lets out an egregiously loud roar—so loud my eardrums rattle and Everett drops his hand from mine.

  Doreen gasps. “Sounds like thunder outside. Anyway, I hope they catch the killer. Whoever did it made sure Nessa would die in the most horrific way. Being in control was sort of her thing. And the way she rolled around and choked... For once, everyone got to see her losing what little control she had left until she was finally forced to give up breathing.” She offers an indifferent shrug. “At least she won’t be around to hurt anyone else. Viv has to
ld me stories.”

  “What kind of stories?” I lean in, mesmerized already by what I might hear next.

  “Those are Viv’s tales to tell.” She looks Cormack up and down. “Landon knows them, too. I would guess she wouldn’t want her sister to know about the unsavory details of her life. On second thought, maybe don’t go prying.” She gives Cormack another quick hug before waving to us all. “Be sure to come back now.” She pretends to shoot both Noah and Everett. “There’s a lot more where that came from, boys.”

  She takes off, and Max follows, looking sullen and mournful for what he could have had with that beautiful vibrant girl.

  “Nessa was a killer.” A quivering breath escapes me as I say it.

  Cormack tips her head back. “All of Nessa’s enemies paraded around as her friends.” She cuts a look in Doreen’s direction. “And she’s wrong. Landon told me everything.” Cormack looks as if she could have slaughtered Nessa herself, and suddenly I have a new suspect on my list.

  We head out to the parking lot, and Noah helps Cormack into the passenger’s side of his truck before entombing her inside.

  He comes over to Everett and me.

  “That’s why I brought her, Lot. I mentioned where I was going, and she said she knew a girl who worked here. Doreen Stearns.”

  “As much as I hate to say it, she did prove to be invaluable. Have you considered Cormack herself as a suspect?”

  Noah inches back and looks at me as if I’ve just grown two heads.

  “There’s no way Cormack did this.” He’s quick to defend his quasi-date.

  Everett shakes his head. “I have to agree. Cormack doesn’t have it in her.”

  “How do you know?” I ask, suddenly annoyed with both of my formidable suitors, past and present. “I say we can’t take her off the suspect list until we investigate further. Noah, since you’re dating her, I suggest you do a little interrogating on your own. I have a feeling you could get her to confess to just about anything.” I scowl at him because I happen to know it’s true.